About Us

Flat Earth LLC’s primary goal was to make shirts for humans to wear.

And that’s mostly what we do.

At some point we added rash guards. Then hoodies. And for reasons we still cannot explain, gorts. We do not have a clear vision of what we want. 

Unlike traditional companies, we do not believe in goals, roadmaps, or long-term planning. We operate entirely in the present moment, clinging to it with white-knuckled intensity. Opportunities, threats, and strategic directions drift by unnoticed, largely because we refuse to look up. This is not a flaw; it’s our operating doctrine.

Our products (and our leadership) live on the brink of insanity, occupying the bleeding edge of reality where inspiration and delusion hold hands. Some people think we’re not all there, and they’re probably right. But the other people are our customers. And they keep coming back.

Flat Earth LLC offers a rare proposition: a company driven not by logic or vision, but by momentum, stubbornness, and a deeply committed audience of individuals who resonate with existential discomfort and recreational absurdity. This customer base demonstrates unusually high loyalty, high repeat engagement, and an alarming willingness to wear whatever we make.

Flat Earth LLC is not a lifestyle brand.

We are an ongoing experiment in consumer behavior, martial arts culture, and the monetization of our own personal traumatic experiences. But mostly…

We sell shirts!